Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Write a Love Letter

Love letters are a powerful way to heat up the romance in your relationship whether it's on your anniversary or any time of the year. But when you think of a love letter what comes to mind? Is it a piece of parchment paper full of eloquent wording, written in calligraphy using a quill pen? Maybe you think of an envelope sealed with an embossment in wax?

This is the traditional (and very good) way to go about writing a love letter and many amorous people have used this method to express their love to their partner. There are many blog posts and articles on how to write that kind of love letter and I won't reinvent the wheel here.

Those "old school" love letters have their place... a wonderful place... in relationships. I only have one problem with them: they are not "real." They are not "down to earth." And, unless you speak Shakespearean English on a daily basis, it isn't even the most effective means to express how you feel. Its novelty is the primary pay off. But there are many ways to remain novel, stay current and still get your point across that doesn't require an artist's eye for calligraphy, a college major in English or a deeply introspective psyche. In fact, all you really need to know to write an effective love letter is how your partner makes you feel and the things about that person that you appreciate.

Let's get started:

1. Brainstorm. What is it about your beau or belle that you love? Is it her smile? Her laugh? Is it the way he sings in the shower? Is he considerate of your sexual needs? What things about your partner's character do you admire? Do you find her confidence or his sensitivity sexy? Only you know these things. So take 15 minutes and make a list of everything that you can think of. Make sure when you do this that you have no other distractions around you. Different people concentrate in different ways: some prefer absolute silence while others require some kind of background noise. Whatever you need to focus for fifteen minutes, do it!

2. Find the "why". Think of why you love those particular things about your sweetie. Write the reason next to the thing that you love. It doesn't matter whether the reason is something trivial or goes to the very core of you. What you are looking for is the connection between what you feel and why.

3. Prioritize your list. This step is optional, but can afford you some cool benefits down the road (I'll get to this in a minute). Which things about your partner have a profound impact on you? Which ones are more or less "icing on the cake"? Which ones meet a core need in you?

It can be important to think of these things for a couple of different reasons. First, if you have a huge list (and I'm sure you do!) it allows you to focus on the things about your partner that really, truly means a lot to you. If you're time constrained or writing-impaired, this can allow you to write a short letter that still delivers a high emotional impact. Secondly, you can use the items that didn't make your "short list" for other romantic anniversary ideas later on. More on that in a minute!

4. Write the letter. Now for the fun part! Before we start, take a deep breath and keep a couple of things in mind:

First, you don't have to be a Ralph Waldo Emerson or Emily Dickenson to convey love effectively. Your letter doesn't have to be wordy or long. Just keep it simple and honest. Don't try to be an award-winning laureate (unless you are one, of course). Your partner loves you for who you are, not for being someone else. So just be you.

Second, don't worry about what paper you're writing on or what ink you're using or even how neat your handwriting is (as long as it's readable). Just write what you feel. The presentation DOES matter, but not nearly as much as what you're presenting. So grab a blank notebook sheet or a piece of printer paper and get to writing!

Third, use your list to write your letter. Tell your partner exactly what you love about them and WHY. The "why" is perhaps the most important part of this process:

"I love it when you're concentrating on something and you think no one is watching. You stick your tongue out ever so slightly. It's endearing. There's something so innocent and sweet in that little gesture and every time I see it I want to kiss you."

vs.

"I love it when you're concentrating on something and you think no one is watching. You stick your tongue out ever so slightly."

See the difference? Your partner will appreciate the first. You'll probably lose some ground for the second one.

Third, and last pointer. Don't over-edit your feelings. This isn't a college essay. It's a reminder to your partner of why you fell in love with him and why you're still in love with her now. That's it. That's all that's important for your partner to know. Don't worry about your wording too much. When you're done writing, set your letter aside for an hour or two and then come back to it. Read it to yourself. If it makes sense to you and seems to flow well then leave it alone! If there are changes you'd like to make then make them. But when you're done editing, let it go! It is perfect as it is. Edit it too much and you risk losing the "you" in your love letter.

Now date your letter at the top, fold it and put it in an envelope with your partner's name on it. Think of someplace creative to leave it. If you leave for work before your partner does, leave it on the bathroom counter or on the driver's seat in his vehicle. If you leave after she does, then fold the envelope in half and put it in the pants pocket of her work clothes or business suit that she'll wear the next day. Put it in her purse. Try to think of a place to leave it where you know he'll find it, but that there is zero chance of someone else finding it. You don't want the mail person or delivery guy reading your innermost thoughts and feelings!

And congratulations! You're done! One last minute-tip, though. Remember the things that you love about your partner that didn't make the "short list"? Here's an idea on how to use them:

Find creative ways to tell your partner those things too!

Write them down on sticky notes and post them in random places throughout the house. Or send a tweet a day to her via Twitter. Buy a magnetic alphabet and spell one out for him on your refrigerator every morning. There are tons of ways to tell your partner what you love about him every day.

So get to it. I wish you great love in your relationship and much happiness in your life!

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